Lifelines
by WorkandHotdogs
Summary: His decision was final. Or at least he thought it was. Nick/Zoe. Coda for Series 23 Epi 45: Ashes.


**_A/N: Hi guys! Writers' block has chosen to strike so instead of updating Reasons with a sucky chapter I thought I'd post this little one-shot I wrote a while back instead._**

**_Casualty, Nick and Zoe aren't mine no matter how much wishing I do. Any mistakes that might be lurking are all mine.  
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**_Hope you enjoy.  
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It was final. One sentence and his fate was now sealed.

_I've decided not to have the operation. _

He didn't try to stop the tears as they betrayed his so well refined mask. Thoughts began to swirl in his head but it was always her face that came into view. Her eyes had begun to well up when she had told him she didn't need him to cover for what she had done. He did though, in his opinion.

Nick had no idea what had happened while Zoe was administering the femoral block. Something must have distracted her attention away from seeing the arterial blood in the syringe; he refused to believe she would have just not noticed.

And then there was reason number two. He cared about her more than she probably knew. In fact, Nick would take a chance and say he loved her. His life was over now but hers was probably going to be long and there was no way he would let her destroy her career. He needed to do something, anything, to show her how much he cared about her and this was his last chance.

Scrubbing at his eyes with the palms of his hands Nick tried to rein everything back in. He needed to be able to get out without anyone seeing him in such a state. Gathering his belongings he took one deep breath and left the room, flicking the lights off as he passed.

* * *

The taxi dropped him right by the door and it was only a short lift ride until he was face to face with his front door. There was something amiss. There was light seeping from under the door casting strange shadows on the wall. Nick never left any lights on in his apartment, ever. Approaching cautiously Nick nudged the door open gently trying to make as little noise as he could. He closed the door behind him with a soft click and left his briefcase by the coat stand. He padded further into the large open plan room and felt a small sigh of relief when he saw a head of brown hair peeking out of the end of the sofa. Toeing off his shoes he moved so he could see her.

Zoe had let herself in using the spare set of keys she had. She didn't really know why she had come, she just felt like it was the right thing to do. Here she was close to him. After gulping down a glass of wine she'd fallen asleep on the sofa with the wet tear trails still visible on her skin.

She was still crying in her sleep. The trails were still shining in the lamp light. Kneeling down in front of her Nick gently wiped away the wetness with the pads of his thumbs. He kissed her forehead before she began to stir. Nick rested his head on the cushion of the sofa with his hand on her knee. As Zoe's eyes opened a crack she didn't believe the image her bleary eyes provided. There was no way he was sat in front of her with a hand resting on the side of her knee rubbing soothing circles and his head leaning on the edge of the seat.

"N-Nick?" Zoe blinked furiously trying to clear her vision, "I shouldn't be here. Oh god, what a stupid idea!"

"Shhh. I'm glad you're here," Nick said softly, brushing her hair out of her eyes and tucking it behind her ear.

There were tears running down both of their faces as they spoke. Zoe managed to move herself and pull him onto the sofa in one movement. He ended up lying on his back while she tucked into the small space near the backrest draping an arm and a leg over him. Nick wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.

"I'm sorry for what I said before Nick. I shouldn't have walked out on you like that."

"No, no, no. I understand Zoe, I really do. I should have told you a lot sooner. I just hope you'll stay now. This is my admission of need. Probably the only one you'll get." He voice was solemn and serious.

"I never thought I'd see the day," Zoe looked up and gave him a half smile.

"I need to tell you something else."

Zoe moved so she could look at him properly and nodded, "Okay."

"When I said it was the grade 4 tumour and I wasn't going to have chemo, there was another option on the table."

"What?"

"The surgeon my consultant trained under, Walter McFay, told her he'd be prepared to operate."

"But that's brilliant Nick!"

"It's not Zoe. I turned it down about thirty seconds after you walked out my office."

"You did what?"

"I turned it down."

"You idiot! Why the hell did you do that?"

"Even if it did work I could end up like the man in cubicles today; issues with memory and motor control and god knows I suffer enough with that to a certain degree already."

"You could have more time though, right? It wouldn't be just months anymore would it? It could even be years."

He looked up at the ceiling. "What time is it?"

Zoe raised her hand so he could see her watch.

"Quarter to seven," he said so she could here. "Frances told me I had till seven to get in touch with her so she could let him know. I guess if I rang her now then there's a chance he might still be able to do the surgery."

"You'd really do that?" She looked at him, wide eyed.

"I would Zoe. As long as you'd promise me that no matter how difficult I or the process of getting me back on my feet might be you'd stay with me."

She nodded through more tears and kissed him soundly on the lips. Nick smiled in response.

"I'll get my phone. You stay there." He disentangled himself from Zoe and she moved so there was a gap for him to sit back down. When he returned and sat himself in the space he reached over and took her hand. It was almost a lifeline.

Nick dialled Frances' number and waited for her to pick up.

"Hello, Doctor Lively speaking."

"Frances, it's Nick Jordan."

"Nick? What's up?"

"I've spoken to some people. Some important people actually and I hope that I'm not too late in saying this."

"Saying what, Nick?"

"If you can still get in touch with Walter, I'd like to give the surgery a go." He looked over at Zoe and squeezed her hand gently.

"You are one unpredictable son of a gun, Nick Jordan. I think that you might just be in luck; I have Walter on a second line. Give me a moment."

"Thank you."

Silence. Zoe couldn't bare it much longer, "Nick what's going on?"

He covered the mouth piece and whispered, "Walter's on the other line, she's discussing it with him now."

Zoe nodded again, her grip on his hand getting tighter.

"Nick, are you there?" It was a voice through the phone.

"Yeah, I'm here," Nick said with nerves evident in his voice.

"You needn't worry Nick; Walter's agreed to do the surgery."

"He has?" Nick didn't try to hide his surprise.

"Yeah."

He gave Zoe the biggest grin he could muster and she collapsed with tears. She scooted closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. He let go of her hand so he could wrap his arm around her.

"Oh, and Nick… can I just ask? What really made you change your mind?"

He looked down at Zoe before telling Frances that it was not wanting to let go of the people he loved so soon.

She laughed, congratulated him on making a wise decision and said goodnight.

Nick slid his phone on to the floor, turned to Zoe and kissed her slowly.

"We're gonna be okay, Nick," she said, resting her forehead on his.

"Yes we are," he agreed before standing up, taking her hand and leading her to _their_ bed. They slept tangled up in each other knowing that things wouldn't be easy but it would all be worth it.

**_A/N: Thanks for reading. :)_**


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